the inner thoughts of a messed up girl…

My brother came home from Colorado on Thursday. He was in an undisclosed location somewhere overseas and got back to Colorado not too long ago. I missed him so much. It is weird having him home though. It is also a little weird because my house is just big enough for my mom and I but one of my brothers have been staying here for a while and now the other one is here too. We are getting pictures taken tomorrow so I may do my hair tonight because we are suppose to show our true self. If I do, then pictures will be up on here.

I write in a personal journal every night. One thing I do find that helps me continue writing in a journal is routine. The sense of the familiar makes me feel comfortable. I can relax and write whatever comes to mind. But sometimes one way to liven up your journal writing, in particular when you’re feeling a bit stale is to break with routine, and that is what i try to do.  

If you normally write with a black pen change your ink color, or even implement. Use a crayon, marker or gel pen instead. Change the hand you write with. Write in the morning instead of the afternoon. Write about yourself using third person point of view. Sit in a different place. Turn the page on its side or upside down. Write around the page edges moving towards the center. Write from the center out to the edges of the page. Make a list. Don’t make a list if you usually do. Make a point of not checking your spelling. Set a timer, or don’t if you normally use one. Write on some other material and paste that page into your journal, like wrapping paper during Christmas.

I think you get the hint. Breaking with your usual routine is a great way to shake up a boring funk or blah mindset you may have fallen into. I hope this helps someone out there.

Yes, you! That’s what I want. Well, not really. All I want for Christmas is… love. Not really for me, because I have it coming from so many directions, but for many others, the ones that need it. The children and woman being abused because of the stress of the holidays; they do not deserve that at all, even if they are the ones in the toy store screaming that they want a certain toy. These kids are in the spirit not trying to be little terrors. I want love for the people who are left alone for the holidays. I want love (and a lot of patience) for the people with their in-laws at this time. I want love for the people that never give love, that way they can give something amazing as a gift. So many people, during the holidays, get so stressed they don’t think clearly; feelings, people, and relationships get hurt in the process.

My most embarrassing job experience was so stupid of me. When I was training at Cold Stone, I was mopping up the floor in the back where someone dropped ice cream. I got the mop and went to where the ice cream was but I slipped and fell onto my back. There was a line of about 17 people so they all just saw me. I couldn’t just hide so I got up and said loudly, “well, I was going to use the mop but my back did a good enough job.” As a few people were leaving, they told me that even though they couldn’t help but laugh when I fell, they thought I did it gracefully and took it very well. Also, I have locked myself in the blast freezer that is 20 degrees below freezing and they are steel so no one could hear me, when someone came in to get something like I did, I was sitting on the floor eating frozen cherries. She shut the door, I laughed because now we both where locked in. when the last girl out there noticed she was the only one around she ran into the freezer to get a cake and saw us. We got out and laugh about it to this day. I love my job so much. I get to serve the public and I get to eat many different kinds of ice cream.

Normal? What the hell is normal anymore?! Normal to me is not normal to others. High class people think normal is tea with friends, white gloves, and golf. People in my neighborhood think normal is hiding from the cops and selling drugs on the small square of land by my house that does not have much light. Normal for me is breathing daily, blinking like crazy (did you know females blink twice as much as males?), and crying when I go to sleep. Normal is different to everybody just like any issue in the world today, take a simple example of being dorky. When others think ‘dork’, they picture a short little boy with glasses, suspenders, and either a high-pitched or nasally voice (talk about stereotypical). When I personally think of ‘dorks’, I usually visualize my friends or family, usually playing video games or playing D and D. Others don’t like dorks and I love them. People don’t want to be dorks, I am surrounded by them, and I am a dork myself. I am one of the coolest dorky outcasts some people will ever meet and there is no better complement in my book.